< 18: Brithenig by Andrew Smith Dublex by Jeffrey Henning 20: Rokbeigalmki by Steg Belsky >

Translated by: Jeffrey Henning
Torch:
Poamdevio. Comunu u von o voc, io seb cisu o veona cis io.
/poh-ahm-deh-VEE-oh. koh-MOO-noo oo vohn oh vohk EE-oh sehb KEE-soo oh
veh-OH-nah kees EE-oh/

Nuna ventleta feort comartonu.
Toana fonsens feinu.
Vat rastu o gid.
Toan tele fonsensu, iom o toan lete siucu.
Toana fonsens feinu.
Cazio von muce comunu, o "Vonpoamio. Nin sahe fonsensu o von."
Hazar sahu o nest.
Toana fonsens feinu.
O suma sialfper teroru dinsolbez.
Toana vissens feinu.
Vone poama vissens feinu, iom giertempio vona nuptu.
Cazio von muce comunu, o "Vonpoamio. Nin sahe vissensu o von."
Smooth translation:
Fatherly God, impart to us the word that narrates this story.

Now the breeze is stronger.
His hearing begins.
The water grows food.
He hears afar; he saddens a little.
His hearing begins.
Because of this, I say, "O My Father, You hear us with favor." The tree makes a
house healthy.
His hearing begins.
All the elders fear the night.
His seeing begins.
My Father's sight begins, as we marry.
Because of this, I say, "O My Father, You see us with favor."
Translation of previous torch Missing
Interlinear
Note that pronouns are not marked for number, which can make interpretations
("his" or "their", "my" or "our"?) difficult.
Dublex relies on a root vocabulary of just 400 words, with other words nonce forms,
allowing me to have finished the lexicon to the language and yet always be reinventing it.
Dublex prefers literal forms to figurative forms.

Poamdevio. Comunu u von o voc, io seb cisu o veona cis io.
Parent+masc.+god+{voc.}. Communicate+{verb} {indirect-obj.} {1st-pers.-pron.} {dir-obj.}
word {rel.-clause-initiator} {subj.-placeholder} narrate(story+{verb}) {dir.-obj.}
this+{adj.} story {rel.-clause-terminator}.

Nuna ventleta feort comartonu.
Present+{adjective} wind+diminutive+{adjective} strength(strong+abstraction)
compares+{augmentative}+{verb}.

Toana fonsens feinu.
{third-person-pronoun}+{masculine}+{adjective} sound+sense end+{opposite}+{verb}.

Vat rastu o gid.
Water grow+{verb} {direct-object} food.

Toan tele fonsensu, iom o toan lete siucu.
{third-person-pronoun}+{masculine} far+{adverb} sound+sense+{verb} {clause-conjunction}
{direct-object} {third-person-pronoun}+{masculine} {diminutive}+{adverb}
happy+opposite+{verb}.

Toana fonsens feinu.
{third-person-pronoun}+{masculine}+{adjective} sound+sense end+{opposite}+{verb}.

Cazio von muce comunu, o "Vonpoamio. Nin sahe fonsensu o von."
cause+{clausal-modifier} {first-person-pronoun} mouth+{adjective} communication+{verb}
{direct-object} {first-person-pronoun}+parent+{masculine}+{vocative}.
{second-person-pronoun} favorableness+{adverb} sound+sense+{verb} {direct-object}
{first-person-pronoun}.

Hazar sahu o nest.
/shah-ZAHR sah-SHOO oh nest/
tree make-healthy(health+{verb}) {direct-object} house.

Toana fonsens feinu.
{third-person-pronoun}+{masculine}+{adjective} sound+sense end+{opposite}+{verb}.

O suma sialfper teroru dinsolbez.
{direct-object} all+{adjective} old+{opposite}+person fear+{verb} daily+sun+absence.

Toana vissens feinu.
{third-person-pronoun}+{masculine}+{adjective} vision+sense end+{opposite}+{verb}.

Vone poama vissens feinu, iom giertempio vona nuptu.
{first-person-pronoun}+{adjective-modifier} parent+{masculine}+{adjective} vision+sense
end+{opposite}+{verb}, {clause-conjunction} while(among+time)+{clause-modifier}
{first-person-pronoun} marriage+{verb}.

Cazio von muce comunu, o "Vonpoamio. Nin sahe vissensu o von."
cause+{clausal-modifier} {first-person-pronoun} mouth+{adjective} communication+{verb}
{direct-object} {first-person-pronoun}+parent+{masculine}+{vocative}.
{second-person-pronoun} favorableness+{adverb} vision+sense+{verb} {direct-object}
{first-person-pronoun}.

I had resolved not to expand the grammar at all (the language has a strictly defined
BNF-notated syntax) and had to improvise for the vocative. I've since added a
vocative, and "Vonpoamio. Nin sahe vissensu o von" would now be "Namo
vonpoam, nin sahe vissensu o von," where 'name' is a preposition and could be
strictly interpreted as "I request the attention of the one I name", which in
this case is the "fatherly God."

All in all, I was surprised by how pleasant the poem sounded when read aloud, but I felt
that Dublex's literal approach removed the poetry from the piece and made it more
literal than appropriate. 
Glossary/mini dictionary Missing
Grammar notes
When I initially received the Brithenig poem, it seemed almost gibberish to me.
Not because of the Brithenig translation itself, but because the text had
changed so much it just seemed like words strung together. It definitely lacked
continuity. Finally, after reading it a half dozen times and after diving into
translating it, I interpreted it as the ritual phrasing of a wedding ceremony,
phrasing which had become a comforting patter and paternoster of the nuptial
rites. The breeze was a representation of the spirit and voice of the
Father-God. The food-growing water was a sign of future fertility and a reproach
that the couple has consummated their relationship and conceived a child before
the ritual of marriage ("he hears afar; he saddens a little"). The tree is a
representation of the God (whether the tree as cross, the tree as in Odin's
sacrifice or simply the wind in the trees as the voice of God in the land is
unclear and awaited more details of the culture of the people who created this
ritual) as he makes a house healthy, blessing the new home of the new couple.
"All the elders fear the night" was a veiled reference to the fear of death
ending the union of marriage, but it is only in recognizing how a marriage
should end (through death of a partner rather than divorce) that you can see
what a marriage means, and with that seeing, with that recognition, be
married.

I still prefer "You may kiss the bride" as the ending to a wedding ceremony! :-)
In all other things I am afraid my own biases and preferences are evident in my
interpretation, but with no other context, what could I look to but my own
views? Alas, Dublex doesn't come with an imagined conculture.